Distressed

life's quite a big pain in the ass. we do the same old routine everyday. we wake up in the morning feeling the tiredness and drag yourself to school. we try to keep ourselves awake in boring lectures. we try to keep up with school work and the content subjects in class. we feel the most happy when it's break time. we grumble that the school canteen is too small. we grumble that the school food is horrible. we grumble that school hours are long. we grumble that cca ends at 8.30 which is damn late. we only start homework at 10pm + near 11 as a result. we cannot finish our work. we go to sleep late. and we wake up early the next morning feeling tired again the damn cycle repeats. and i'm definitely not alone for this.

i really hate the studies stress lol only kaiyan understands how i feel now about certain matters. sometimes insensitivity is really a big issue, i nearly cried in school what the crap, i hate my low self esteem. the pressure only adds due to certain issues in school abt people. i really feel like breaking down.

HELL IT'S ONLY MONDAY I'M FEELING DAMN TIRED LA.

and seriously i'm also damn tired of my stupid skin problem. i go to school feeling the pain everyday, go to school hoping that my stupid face will stop acting up. mum always go: dont scratch, you'll get better. i have no control over my mind when i sleep la okay. i just woke up today with my hand being bloody again and you scold me, like hell do you think i feel good when i see so much wounds? you think i like to feel the pain when i bathe? i cant control it when i sweat when i'm in the sun, leading to the frightful itch. sometimes the urge to scratch is so overwhelming you will never know how i feel, you dont have the skin condition. you always say take ice and put over wounds when itch. i dont have ice available 24/7 everywhere.

you always say i dont even try. you just assume that i'm always scratching, because you always see me scratching. that's because there's no way you can see me trying to bear with the itchyness in my mind, you cant read my mind. so it always becomes that i dont bother to try.

i'm emotionally and physically tired. hell, i hope things get better. i dont think i can take it if all this crap continues further. at times like this i feel damn weak.

i'll just tell myself, jiayou, you can do it. keep on fighting.