I need to:

• start speaking up for myself. 

• stop thinking about things that doesnt matter, because if people dont care, why should I? even after making the effort, if they dont, i shouldnt be such an emo kid and think too much :(

• be more confident and up my severely low self esteem. but this is so hard lol i dislike this society which is so judgemental. esp in the place where i'm at now, all people care is about appearance and looks. it's super super obvious from the treatment that we get compared to those chio/pro ppl out there. okay even if maybe it's partially my fault that i dont dare to approach ppl as well, but the treatment is clear. they dont even bother to appraoch us also, so whatever la, it's really a superficial place.

You could say my skin's a major factor for the increasingly low self esteem. Some incident occurred afew weeks ago which made me so pissed off. stupid red face i have to deal with everyday, the itchyness, do you think i like it? did i even ask for it? so i get judged for having skin problems. i forgot where i was, but sitting down at somewhere, then this small boy came to sit beside me. his grandmother followed him afew steps later, and she looked at me up and down (i could feel her stares), and immediately asked the boy to move a few seats away. at first the boy say he was lazy to move but the grandma keep insisting, SO OBVIOUS THAT SHE'S DISCRIMINATING ME LA. so in the end they moved away from me. i really dont know whether to cry or be angry. 

Dont get me wrong, i'm typing like i hate everyone in society, but out there, there's still alot alot of people who bothers to know me for my character and not for my appearance. those people, thank you for being there for me, for not judging me, for being a part of my life(be it for a long time or just a short time, because whether do we click or dont click it's another different thing!), and for making me happy :) 

AND THIS IS SUCH A PESSIMISTIC POST BLAH I SHALL STOPPPPP.

i love all my friends, family, and bf teehee.