No thanks to you

maybe the reason why am i so affected only now is because i'm scared of what will happen. it's about me, so obviously you dont give a hoot and do what you want. because of that, it will somehow lead to me sooner or later. and of course, why should you care? you already said that sentence. yeah seems that way. now i understand why she did all of that last time, it doesnt seem childish to me anymore.

all this emotional shit seems to be coming on late. at least i'm glad i didnt let everything affect me in december, esp my retest. it will be damn not worth it to screw myself over everything. like it isnt screwed enough right now. no thanks to you.

i dont need that same treatment over again. it's too fucking hurting.

and dont judge me like, why is this girl so emotionally upset over this kind of thing. you have absolutely no idea what i went through, what i felt, what i gave up, what i gave, and what kinds of things i get back, it's not something what everyone will go through. and you're not me. so unless you know what i went through AND you know what i felt, meaning that you know the whole story, shut up and dont judge me.

i dont feel the same anymore. i feel so tired and lost. the quiet, alone, emotional, negative side of me is taking over my happy side. i feel so screwed and fked up. i'm bottling up most of my emotions to myself. now that i dont get to go into audi much anymore, it's so much worse. being in audi with exalties and other friends is like my therapy. i felt so much happier with them around. school is too stressful to be my therapy. friends in school depends, cause everyone is so stressed up. but sometimes they do make my life abit happier too. and at a critical point where i feel that i'm about to burst i'll spew all my emotions out in a generalised form, which i hope nobody gets any head or tail of anything. at least now i feel slightly better.

sometime down the road, i can only hope the happy side of me will take over again. i hate being emotional and negative. the feeling really sucks.